"My brother killed himself
on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year
and I missed four days of work
and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’.
My brother
he was always a fan of beauty
but what he did
was not beautiful at all.

And last week I got the news
that one of my good friends from high school
had overdosed
(again)
except this time
she’d gone too far
and now she was gone.
And I had a hard time falling asleep at night
and her mother
hugged me tight
and thanked me for coming to the service
but I did not
want to be there at all.
This is not
beautiful.

The girl down the street
would’ve turned 21 last year
and I can scarcely imagine
the wild times she would’ve
(should’ve)
had.
But she is buried six feet deep
after falling nearly 300
and she did not leave a note.
This is not
beautiful.

My freshman year of college
and my roommate was beautiful
and how I wanted to be just like her.
But she wore herself down
till she was
almost invisible
and if you blinked
you had to go and find her all over again.
So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition
but are paying her hospital bills
watching their daughter crumble.
This is not
beautiful.

So y’all can take your narcissistic
romanticizing
and glamorizing
of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide
and shove them as far up your ass
as you possibly can.
Starvation is not beautiful.
Killing yourself is not beautiful.
Sadness
is not beautiful.
This note I am writing
is not beautiful.

But you
you are beautiful
and it’s about damn time you start believing it.

"

(via runiqu)

(via duchessgummybunns)

You run little guy. You run you free bastard

You run little guy. You run you free bastard

"Every morning I sit at the kitchen table over a tall glass of water swallowing pills. (So my hands won’t shake.) (So my heart won’t race.) (So my face won’t thaw.) (So my blood won’t mold.) (So the voices won’t scream.) (So I don’t reach for knives.) (So I keep out of the oven.) (So I eat every morsel.) (So the wine goes bitter.) (So I remember the laundry.) (So I remember to call.) (So I remember the name of each pill.) (So I remember the name of each sickness.) (So I keep my hands inside my hands.) (So the city won’t rattle.) (So I don’t weep on the bus.) (So I don’t wander the guardrail.) (So the flashbacks go quiet.) (So the insomnia sleeps.) (So I don’t jump at car horns.) (So I don’t jump at cat-calls.) (So I don’t jump a bridge.) (So I don’t twitch.) (So I don’t riot.) (So I don’t slit a strange man’s throat.)"

Jeanann Verlee, Good Girl (via hellanne)

(via reportsfromcloudn9ne)

http://reportsfromcloudn9ne.tumblr.com/post/73681916023/dreamerssingingwishes-im-constantly-scared-and

dreamerssingingwishes:

I’m constantly scared and depressed. I fucking hate it I hate that I don’t want to get out of bed I hate that everything I look at makes me sad. My thoughts are even worse. It’s been a year and I don’t feel anymore. I’m scared of myself what I can do to myself I’m…

http://duchessgummybunns.tumblr.com/post/77775573309/i-started-to-not-expect-things-from-people-ive

duchessgummybunns:

I started to not expect things from people, I’ve started to not get my hopes up anymore. Every time I expect someone to do something either for me or with me I’m always let down. Whenever I get my hopes up they always end up getting crushed. I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face and punched in…

vive-la-enjolrass:

different-inyour-eyes:

forever reblog

This. This just make a my day.

(Source: jordynslefteyebrow, via duchessgummybunns)